


Scratches

by Lady_Lola_Lu



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Developing Relationship, Did I say I do?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, MFMM Year of Tropes, Marriage Talks, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, November Trope, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Tropes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 20:55:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12872820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Lola_Lu/pseuds/Lady_Lola_Lu
Summary: "If Phryne had ever felt flouted, this was the time. (...) Had Jack always been this brute and had she just got discombobulated by a powerful jaw and a sexy voice all this time?".An out of place conversation may change the course of their developing relatiionship. Will they understand each other's motivations or could this be the beginning of the end?Just a character piece, scratches on the surface of a bigger story, a metaphorical itch, and a small irritation between them (because I needed to use this line). My first attemp to publish anything into this fandom. If this not quite fits the trope, now it's too late to complaints.





	Scratches

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inzannatea (Zanna23)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanna23/gifts).



> There is no way I could have done this without @Inzannatea's invaluable help. Not only was she the first person in the fandom who kept a conversation with me when I first arrived, but she went through hell trying to edit this into a readable text and convincing me this was decent enough to get published. I can't tell you how grateful I am.

_The dusky swallows will return_

_to hang their nests upon thy balcony,_

_and once again will knock in play_

_against your window panes;_

  

_but those which slacked their flight and perched_

_to observe your beauty and my good luck;_

_those which learned to know our names..._

_those... will ne'er return!_

 

Rhyme LIII, Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer

 

 

“Why would I want to do that?” – he asked absentmindedly, lifting an eyebrow.

Phryne looked at him, incredulously. Was this supposed to be a tease or really how he felt? Well, one thing was that she wouldn’t desire to get married, it was no secret for anyone; but she would have thought not marrying her hadn’t been Jack’s first choice.

She was not eager to admit it but the memory of a too perfect-wifey Concetta haunted her mind sometimes. Not that she – Phryne – was particularly a jealous person; she wouldn’t welcome that sort of behaviour towards her, so she always brought the same courtesy to her liaisons (the fact that she never gave a second thought about those liaisons after their encounter finished was irrelevant for this case). Jack was different; and deep inside she suspected that that lovely Italian woman was exactly what a man with his nature and reputation needed. In spite of Jack’s real role encouraging Concetta’s romantic expectations, that woman’s love for him was real. Phryne was the person who understood Concetta’s feelings the most.

Jack Robinson – her Jack Robinson - was the kind of man who made people develop the strongest feelings towards him. His men at the constabulary fiercely respected him, his friends - well, those who stood around long enough to considered him a friend -, blindly trusted him, and the women surrounding him developed a profound desire to nurture and feed him. The fact that the last, or at least she, wanted to snog and undress him while doing it, couldn't be a merely coincidence and she could almost see her own desires reflected on the mind of virtuous Concetta all those nights she had him for herself during their late dinners at Sprano's she didn't want to know about.

He sparked feelings that she had utterly believed she was unable to feel, things she never imagined she would ever feel. Feelings that scared her when examined too closely but that she knew were there anyway: it was not just love – which she was positive she felt -, but a sense of propriety she loathed. It still was there no matter how hard she tried to avoid it. He was _her_ detective inspector (hadn't everyone said that since the first days of their acquaintance? Surely she wouldn’t allow any other lady detective in his radius if one happened to appear), he was _her_ friend, he was _her_ partner, _her_ equal in every way. He was _her_ lover, and even if she really wasn’t looking to make a public statement about their current relationship, she had discovered herself trying to make evident marks over her territory during every intimate encounter. A bruise on his neck, those scratches at his back, those teeth marks along his hamstring (on second thought, that was a rather hurtful bite, not that she regrets it), among others. They were her way to separate him for herself. She knew he was not her propriety, no person should ever belong to any other than themselves, but she couldn’t stop feeling that in some subliminal, corny way, they belonged to each other.

The least she had expected from the man she loves was for him to share this same possessiveness too, if not more.

So when that day came, in broad daylight, when the topic in her parlour turned into the extravagant – and actually rather ridiculous – way O’Boyle, one of his older constables, had recently proposed to his now fiancée, she naively wondered aloud what his constables would say if they learn he proposed to her. And that’s when she heard it the first time.

“Why would I want to do that?” – he asked absentmindedly, lifting an eyebrow.

“Are you implying you don't want to marry me at all?” – she asked doubtful. If this was his way to respect her own aversion to marriage, he surely was doing a hell of a good job hiding his own intentions.

“Of course I don't want to.” – was his quick relaxed answer, his gaze still at the newspaper in his hands.

If he hadn't been so sated and at ease after a late morning in her bed, a luxurious lunch at her table, and a pleasant conversation at her parlour, maybe - just maybe - his brain would have been awake enough to realise the utter stupidity he was saying to his lover. When the notification came slowly to his brain, he abruptly left the paper aside and raised his scared eyes to the shocked woman in front of him. But if he hadn’t been alerted of the danger of his answer before saying it, the wide-eyed shock of horror and disbelief in Phryne’s face quickly made him realise the real implication of his words.

"What I meant is that you... I mean I, me...” - Why wasn’t his brain collaborating on formulate an emphatic and coherent sentence?   _Think fast, Jack Robinson, or you’re doomed_ , he thought _._ \- “I mean, Phryne, sweetie...” – _Sweetie? What’s wrong with you? When on Earth have you called her ‘sweetie’? What’s next? Tootsie-wootsie? Sugar lump?_ Clearly his brain was way out of practice for these matters, he realised _–_ “Well, why are we having this conversation at all?” – he finally managed to conceive – “Do you even want to marry me?"

“You know very well I certainly don't!” – was her dry response

“Good. See then? No harm done”. – Not knowing if it was too soon to congratulate himself for skipping the danger, Jack tried to change the topic quickly – “Ehrm, tell me dear, do you know what will we have for dinner?” -  and for a second time this day, his brain realised a second too late what he said has been definitively the wrong choice. What was he thinking? If he had ever thought that was the end of the discussion, he was an utter idiot. Jack could sense the danger coming steadfastly towards him as clearly saw Phryne’s face turned from incredulous  pale to raging red.

If Phryne had ever felt flouted, this was the time. She barely could gain sense against what she just heard. Was this man really aware how many marriage propositions from entitled men all around the world had she rejected in her life before even considering the possibility to settle down with this caveman sitting right in front of her? Obviously not her smartest choice! Had Jack always been this brute and had she just got discombobulated by a powerful jaw and a sexy voice all this time?

“And may your highness enlighten me why wouldn't you want to get married to me?” – she asked, fury raising through her voice. Who did he think he was for rejecting her that way, without even considering their relationship worthy? – “If you’re having second thoughts about this relationship’s arrangements, feel free to share them please, and I assure you I can take that weight off of your shoulders quite easily. Oh, I can certainly make sure you don’t have to worry about me being related to you ever again!” – She knew this man was too good to be true. How could she ever be so naïve to think their relationship would work long term? It had not been even a year since he decided to improve his romantic overture (little more than 7 months, actually) and he was already tired of her? Why now? Had he just wanted to ‘scratch the itch’ with her, no strings attached, and now that it was getting too serious was he trying to back off? Was this actually his way of breaking up with her? Because if it is, so much for the noble Jack! And if he was deciding she was not enough and was looking now for someone else, why didn’t he settle with Concetta instead? Why was this woman in her mind again? This madness about being in love was really excruciating, and she hadn’t even had enough time to discover all of it and here he was, trying to call them off. – “What is it, Jack? Am I too complicated to get seriously involved with? Am I too much of a flapper to be considered deserving of the Senior Detective Inspector of City South? Or you are just using me until someone better and more suitable for the part appears?”.

“Miss Fisher, are you even listening to yourself?” – If there was someone he thought never having this conversation with, was definitively Phryne Fisher. He reckoned she was completely out of her mind and now he was the one beginning to feel seriously scared. When has she ever been insecure in her life? Why now? And for something he’d bet she never gave a thought as the notion of marriage. Not just with him, but with anybody. Despite the shock he couldn’t stop feeling a little flattered anyway after the idea that a small hidden part of the rebellious Phryne Fisher considered the possibility of marrying him. Jack decided (smartly, for the first time in that day), that following that thread today wasn’t the best option. – “What are you saying? You’re being ridiculous!”.

“Of course I’m being ridiculous! But what do you want me to think if the man who made me fall in love with him doesn’t want to be seen married to me after all we’ve been through!”

If someone had told Jack half an hour before that just as consequence of a poor choice of words and misunderstandings, he was heading to the worst discussion since he and Miss Fisher decided to entangle a romantic component to their already intricate  partnership, he would have taken that person as a fool. Until then, it had been an exceptionally pleasant day. It had been exceptionally pleasant few months, actually. Everything had developed rather easily and organically since Miss Fisher returned from England. At the beginning they didn’t talk much about what they were experiencing; not just because he didn’t want to scare her and make her feel self-conscious about what was currently developing between them, but because it didn’t feel necessary at all.  For two persons with such different approach to life, they were discovering they had a lot in common – which was not fresh news - but also self same expectations and desires about their relationship and each other.

Even if neither of them said it aloud, they had mutely settled what they both felt for each other was love – more like adoration in his case –, and that they both wanted to ensure this was a long term relationship that needed some level of commitment – including exclusivity – and deliverance for both of them in equal measures. They also had tacitly agreed they wouldn’t deny their relationship ever, but it wasn’t necessary to go around spreading the word everywhere (the fact no one had asked him yet about what their current status was, only helped to reassure the fact they were doing a good job keeping things look natural... or that everybody already believed they were involved in a romantic relationship since long before. He discovered none of the options above bothered him the slightest). And those people close enough to them - like her household, Collins and Doctor Macmillan - seemed like they just “knew” without further explanation; and their silent smiles of approval were explicitly enough for him. Phryne and himself were doing his best to keep their usual rhythm meanwhile: during the day he worked at the police station while she managed her own cases, or her previous commitments, or whatever she felt like doing that day. If they were lucky enough, they would find a murdered body that requested both of their contributions and they would keep the professional façade while enjoying the delicious bantering that always emerged when they were near to each other. Some days she would appear at his office during lunch time carrying a basket with Mr. Butler’s delicious selection for the day – which wasn’t suspicious at all, she had been doing it since the beginning of their acquaintance – and they enjoyed free time together. Some nights he would appear at her front door to enjoy a nice dinner or just their usual nightcap and then they’d have an even better time enjoying and ravishing each other in her boudoir – or at any other available room of the house, he wouldn’t complain-. But some other nights, when one of them were particularly tired or just too deep into a case, or when she felt like dancing or going to a party by herself, he’d just return to his home and do his own activities as he always had.  He thought it had been working really well for both of them until that point. He couldn’t recall a time of his life when he had felt so happy and at ease with everything going on around him. So why this bloody conversation was threatening to stain all they have accomplished?

He breathed deeply. If he wanted to clear anything from this situation, he’d need his senses in all their capacity.

Jack timidly stood up, fearing on disturbing the shrew, and removed himself from the couch where he was reading the paper and conversing carelessly with her before all this nonsense started, and moved to the loveseat where she was resting. He sat there, carefully avoiding her contact and respecting her personal space. “Phryne, dear, breathe ”.

“Don’t you dare treat me like a little girl, Jack Robinson. This is serious”.

Instead, he breathed deeply again. He had to be careful if he wanted to amend all his wrongs.

He took a risk, cupped her head with his large hands and talked slowly. “I know this is serious. But can you tell me, please, what is really annoying you?”

“What’s annoying me? Well, your attitude is annoying me! You come and act like I’m some kind of goddess worthy of worship, but then you leave and act as your relationship with me is something you should feel ashamed for and should hide from the world. I don’t give a damn about what the world could think about us, but I will not go through life acting like some naughty school girl hiding a romance with her teacher!”.

Well, if she wasn’t going  to be logical, he wasn’t the one to endure through this foolishness without a say. “Believe it or not, Miss Fisher, some of us do have some sense of privacy about our personal lives. I sure appreciate you feel free to share whatever comment about us you please with your friends, although I wasn’t aware you were delivering letters with the merry announcement to everyone. Do sent my best to your Aunt Prudence, please”.

“If you think that sarcasm will help, better think twice. Unlike others, I don’t go around hiding I’m hauling your ashes while romantically involved with you, Inspector!”

“Phryne, you can’t be serious. You know I don’t hide what’s going on between us. I never have”.

“Really? So when O’Boyle was telling you all that ridiculous gossip about the lass he does want to marry nevertheless, you happened to tell him ‘Certainly, that’s what Miss Fisher said the other morning while I had my head between her fucking legs’? ”.

“Miss Fisher! Of course I don’t!”

“See? Not even a nosy, mettlesome scandalmonger as O’Boyle could testify we’re involved!

“Are you still going over that? Sod it, O’Boyle!” – Jack was so tired of the man he was considering getting the aforementioned O’Boyle transferred to the furthest station away.

“Think about it, Jack! Can you assure me anyone at City South certainly knows what’s going on between us?” – she wasn’t planning on letting go the issue easily once the argument started.

He thought about it. They were surely dealing this low profile, but wasn’t that the tacit understanding they both agreed to? And while working on a case, they did have to look professional the whole time (well, what they considered as ‘professional behaviour’ aside their usual teasing and bantering while solving murders). But was he really so private about it that nobody around him positively knew?

“Collins knows!” – he suddenly realised.

“Oh, do not bring poor Hugh in the middle of this” – she barked. – “He doesn’t count, he’s family!”

Indeed, Hugh hardly counted as any other constable in the station. She was right, the boy (no, not a boy anymore he remembered, the man) was almost like a member of his own family. And the thought struck him: This, them, what Phryne and him achieved in this short time span, was indeed a family. If not by blood, then by choice which was even thicker. He had never stopped to think about it, and he was sure Phryne would be the most surprised of the fact if he chose to point it out  (which he would not) or if she ever paused a second to think on what she’d already spitted (which she never did). But all her household, his young Constable and not-so-little-anymore Jane had become more a family for him in these few months (who was he kidding, it had all started long before his attempt of a romantic overture at the airfield) than whatever he had with Rosie in those fifteen years.

He could easily compare now the awkward dinners he and Rosie had at Sanderson’s (every week at first, then just once every couple of months along the alienation of his marriage). The constant whinging of Rosie’s sister about anything and everything, the stiffness of George towards him, the judgemental glances from all her family. He had appreciated them anyway, and he became fond of them with time, but it was mostly out of force of habit than really because a gather of sorts. Specially after the war, when he had felt alone and lost, he appreciated the backup they were trying to portray for the young couple and he did his best to get along with everyone for Rosie´s benefit; feeling he had already taken so much from her.

But all those preset dinners had nothing to do with the spontaneous gatherings that sometimes taken place at Phryne’s. Some nights he arrived late to find Doctor Mac and Phryne having a drink at her parlour. Those nights Jane had been at home from boarding school and Phryne had forced Mac to stay over dinner under the pretence the girl could benefit herself from the doctor’s influence around - which he was sure she would –, and after the meal was over, they’d go to the parlour to have a nightcap and succumb under Jane’s insistence to narrate her stories of their younger selves. They’d all laugh with the pleasant reminiscences and hilarious anecdotes. Then, Collins would appear at the kitchen to pick up his wife on the way home and Phryne would insist – better say, force - they share a sherry with them before leaving. Without noticing, one of Phryne’s red raggers would join them at the piano and he would find himself dancing with Jane after her request with pleading eyes (he had already acknowledged the lady detective was not the only woman in that house with the power of manage him), while Phryne had been watching both of them dance while portraying the most beautiful smile he has ever seen.

Yes, he was definitively a blissful bastard.

So why was Phryne implying he was in any way not satisfied with the happy life she provided him? Has he really – although unconsciously - been hiding their relationship to others? Jack learned early in his life to not care what people say. His parents had been the supportive kind and he lived under his own moral code, which was strict enough. He never minded what some of his superiors thought about him when he showed compassion during the war. He didn’t mind what some colleagues said when he refused to ‘play along’ some corrupt police rules. And he didn’t mind what her family and society said when he finally divorced his former wife. Certainly he wouldn’t mind what others thought about his relationship with Phryne. He was proud of being somehow “the chosen one”. He felt he was in a dream. He didn’t want to wake up. But sooner or later he would have to and face real life. It wasn’t smart in his position to go around shouting from the roof tops that he had a sort of a cohabitation understanding with the most dazzling woman in the world without expecting everyone to have a say about that.

Jack sighed. Whether he wanted it to or not, he knew they had certain topics they’d need to cover sooner or later .

“Phryne, I didn’t know there was an issue bothering you. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

She could see the concern furrowing his brows. He was really worried, scared even. But despite the trouble  in his eyes, she  found the calm floating through her as she lost herself in his eyes as always. He did care about her.

“I didn’t know it either Jack, until now. I don’t know where all this came from. But I need you to understand me. Us, all of these, all the things I’m feeling for you, is all so new to me. I don’t know... I don’t know how to do it”.

“Well, that’s a first. I never thought I’d see you accepting not knowing how to do anything.” – he teased.

“Oh Jack, don’t make fun about this, please” – she said, but he could see half a smile escaping one side of her lips-. “I’m not sure how being in a steady relationship is supposed to feel, and what are you supposed to feel. And not knowing anything gets me insecure, I’m not used to. All my life my actions, all my decisions, were about what I wanted to do at the time. No second thoughts or considerations, it was just me.

But now it’s different, Jack, because first I need to be sure of what I’m feeling, and if I’ll be feeling the same tomorrow, and then what are you feeling, what will you feel tomorrow and what I want you to feel, and seriously this is too much for anybody! How do you people do it? It overwhelms me sometimes although I try to not give it much attention. I try to focus only on the fact that I’m happy with you right now and that’s all that matters. But then you say you don’t want to marry me? And now I feel like I have all this mess in my head while you don’t give enough importance to our partnership to consider it seriously. And it was too much, it feels unfair. And even acknowledging this to you makes me feel like I’m giving you too much power, too much power over me. And I hate it. I’m giving you the hint that maybe I care about you more than you care about me and that has  destroyed me before, Jack. I know marriage is important to you, or at least it was because you loved Rosie enough to marry her. And I don’t expect you to love me like you did to her; I’m no Rosie and definitively you’re not the Jack she married. But somehow the thought you might never love me enough to at least consider it jumps into my head and scares me so much that I’d want to run away right now without ever looking back. ”

“Could you? – he sadly asked suddenly.

“Do what?”

“Run away without looking back”.

“No, no Jack! I don’t think I could; but anyway I won’t. I know I’m not being fair to you. I’m letting myself get scared of the shadows of my past. That’s why I’m telling you all this. Not because I want to... – believe me, the last thing I want is placing myself in this vulnerable position – but because you need to know what’s on my mind, and to be fair, I need to know it too.

He looked straight at her and, finally breaking the lack of contact, he held her hand, pulled her to him and sat her on his lap.

What a complicated and extraordinary woman she was. How fortunate was he being allowed to see all of her, even her vulnerable side, knowing how difficult it was for her. How hard and for how long  they both had to work to get there. She didn’t let anyone see her any less than brilliant and in control; that was the face she decided to show the world and she portrayed it so magnificently no one could suspect beneath was a woman who was as fragile as she was powerful. He wondered if he was the only man to whom she willingly confessed her vulnerability and that thought made it even more special for him; she would never understand how this knowledge filled his heart. At least he could have that.

Although he never asked the full story, he suspected how much her past relationship affected her. Sometimes he couldn’t reconcile this  incredibly strong, positive and independent person with the young woman who some time ago endured under the influence of René Dubois. All those experiences, the positives-- and the bad ones, were what created the most extraordinary person he’d ever seen; that woman he loved with a force that burst his soul. Nonetheless, he’d never thank Dubois for that and if he could kill him again, he’d do it without second thoughts. Not because Phryne couldn’t protect herself now, but because he couldn’t allow a scum like him cause any more damage to other person again, sod the law! Jack knew he’d do almost anything for her. He loved her and he couldn't ever have enough of her. The more he got to know, the more need he felt. Two years ago, stood in that stage, he could have never thought how much he’d get to understand Shakespeare’s words. But now here he was, longing for her despite having her so near.

“Phryne, I love you. That’s the first and most important thing I need you to understand”.

“You have never said it before!” - she said surprised.

“Well, Miss Fisher, that’s a mistake I’m willing to correct. In spite of that, I don’t need you to say anything because what I’ve just said. Is that clear?”

“But Jack, I  just did! When I was asking why didn’t you want to marry me! I believe, Inspector, that once again I’m two steps ahead of you” – she said with a teasing smile.

“I wouldn’t like it otherwise, Miss Fisher”.

He held her back with one hand, and with the other, slowly rubbed her shoulder. Phryne placed her head on his hand and caressed it softly with her cheek. While having the soft skin of her face over his hand, he felt the stress retreating from her body. But that couldn’t be the end of it. If they wanted to survive as a couple, they had serious issues they’d need to deal with.

“I think, Miss Fisher, you asked me a question before.”

Phryne stopped the paced rhythm of her head but kept it resting over his hand. She sighed heavily, opened her eyes and asked under her eyelashes, making a little pout. “Why don’t you want to marry me?”.

He’d never say it aloud but in that moment she looked like a little girl, so beautiful and vulnerable.

Oh boy, how much he loved her!

“Well love, as you recall, I’ve being married before and I’m not running to do it again. And yes, I loved Rosie once, but I can’t let you think I don’t love you enough now. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever loved anyone more; I don’t think I could love you more even if I tried because my love for you is barely all I’m able to feel. And as you said, I was a different man when I married her. It was puppy love and many times I regretted marrying her when I did. At the beginning of the war, I was thankful for my marriage. I thought it would give me strength to pass through that nightmare. But then, the war got prolonged and it became even more gruelling. And the idea I’d never return home was always present, it was a constant menace. I thought I wouldn’t survive through it. And that’s when I first regretted my marriage. I reckon it was a selfish act knowing a war was around and that I’d have to leave my brand new wife behind waiting for me. But you know, we could have never thought the war was going to be the hell it was. If we hadn't married, she would have been able to move on with her life, found a good man and had everything she deserved, instead of enduring her first years as a married woman waiting for a man who might never return; and as a matter of fact, he never did.

Do you understand why I’m trying to say, Phryne?”.

She said nothing, but nodded slowly. Oh, if he knew how much she could understand it!

“You know I was never the same man after the war” – he kept saying-. “You’ve been there, you know how it affected all of us. But I was still positive, although not so young nor naive. I thought we’d get through all the problems. Rosie wanted a kid of her own, and I wanted her to be happy. But the baby never came and I regretted again her decision to marry me. She wanted a baby more than anything, and I wasn’t able to provide it. Again, maybe marrying someone else she would have had it. But I remembered I loved her and that she loved me, so we kept going on. Year after year I saw our relationship stretching even more until two people who once deeply loved each other, weren’t more than strangers sharing the same roof. If we would not have been married, we would have disengaged many years before we did. Probably soon after my return from war. And she would have found any other husband more suitable for her than me, hopefully not Fletcher. And I wouldn’t have had to live with the knowledge I was hurting the woman once I loved and that I was probably the cause of so much pain. Rosie, the Rosie you know, is now just a shadow of the sweet girl I met; and I’ll never leave the thought that I’m the one to blame for that”.

She looked at him and once again, the love she could see in his eyes left her breathless. How could she ever doubt of him? This extraordinarily honourable man. She once said his heart ran deeper than the Pacific Ocean and here he was, trying to carry all the blame for the wrongs of all the world.

Phryne softly caressed each of his eyebrows with her thumb. If only with this caress she could placate all his worries and her doubts. How could she ever question he didn’t love her enough?

"The reason why I’d never thought about marrying you” – he continued – “is that I could never stand to do that damage to anyone else again. I’d never think to  restrain you in any way, and I’d hate to think that someone, especially you above anyone, is tied to me just because the state says so. And please, understand, I’m implying there would be a time I wouldn’t want to be with you. I know better this time and I know there’s no place I’d ever want to be but just next to you. I don’t intend to scare you saying this, God help me, but I do and will love you forever. Despite that, I don’t want you to feel that you have to love me just because I do. I once said I’d never want to change you and I keep that, Phryne. I’d never want to see you restrained in any way, being anything less than you are.” – If there was a time to speak his mind, this was it. If only his own insecurities weren’t rising now threatening to fade his voice. - “It’s not that I don’t trust your love for me” – he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes – “it’s just...”.

He didn’t need to say it; she understood. She had a history of impulsiveness and he knew she could easily change her mind or suddenly feel trapped. She understood this wasn’t him trying to protect himself from her decisions. This was him trying to protect her from what he thought could be an unhappy marriage or giving her the opportunity to fly away just if she wanted to.

Oh boy, how much she loved him!

She wanted to tell him that if he could always be confident about anything, it was her love for him. She wanted him to know she had committed many mistakes in her life, but she would make sure they weren’t one of them. She wanted him to understand she was willing to fight for them but they both should make sure they could left the past behind. She wanted to tell him everything about her life and all the thoughts that filled her mind.

Instead, she just hugged him and hid her face in the crook of his neck.

“I should add, Miss Fisher” – he addressed, trying to disguise the gravity of his voice - “I’d never thought that you’d be interested in discussing even a hypothetical possible marriage with me. Yes, I know you still don’t want to get married” – he quickly assured after she raised her head and was about to protest -, “but if you ever have a second thought about it, or you want to discuss the advances of our partnership, or have any doubt concerning to us, please Phryne, I need you to tell me”. She didn’t say a thing. She just rested her hand in his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat drowning her insecurities away as it always did.

They kept this picture for a moment, appreciating the peace they could get just keeping a hold of each other.

“I was being silly…” - she acknowledged with a little smile - “I don’t know what happened”.

“You were being reactive to my unjustified reservation, and I can’t blame you for having doubts after my behaviour. Although now I expect you to know you should never doubt my love for you. And I think now is my place, Miss Fisher, to ask your forgiveness. When I said I didn’t want to marry you, I failed considering you might have feelings towards the subject and that was wrong of me. I want to know everything that’s on your mind and I don’t want you to feel I’m leaving you ever in the dark”.

“Talking about being in the dark...”- she looked right at him and the teasing shine left her eyes- “I think we could find some more interesting and suitable uses for the darkness”- she said playfully breathing through his neck, one hand tugging the back of his neck while the other was busy messing his tie knot -. “But you’d right, I’d never want to be married again, and I realise someone in your position does have a reputation to keep. I know how important your job is for you. But it has been so delicious having you in my life and sometimes I’d like to feel I’m part of your life too, Jack. Meeting your friends... you’re supposed to have your own friends, don’t you?” – she asked suddenly raising her gaze-. “You know, just knowing a little more about your life... For someone who’s the person I trust and think I know the most, it’s impressive how little I know about your life away the police station and my bed. It’s even shocking that I’ve just been in your house a couple of times, and only after I invited myself!” – she said with a pout.

Jack considered all her words for a second. Yes, she was right. Why was he restraining her, the woman he loved above everything, from his personal life? He supposed they could share some nights at his house too, but he was sure they’d all be more comfortable at Wardlow and besides...

Suddenly a thought struck in his mind making him forget all they were talking about.

He stopped the bantering her hands were doing through the back and front of his neck grabbing both between his and lowered them to her lap. He slowly picked her gaze and asked, trying to hide the concern in his eyes, “Phryne, why did you say you’d never want to be married _again_?”

He felt all her muscles tensing at once while she sat straight over his lap where she was resting, so now he was looking upwards to her. He had expected it to be a wrong choice of words again, but the sad look she gave him, the complete paleness of her face and the withering expression through her told him that maybe there was more behind her words than what he first thought.

“Oh, about that...” – she said stuttering a little - “Well Jack, I suppose I didn’t tell you... of course I should have told you...” – she doubted a little before recovering her usual strength – “Jack, I’m married”.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is what happens when you mix two different stories and force the result to fit the November's trope in order to feel yourself part of the cool kids' gang.  
> It's supossed to be the first installment of a multichapter story. Don't hold your breath because that may never happen. But who knows!  
> Thank you very much for taking the time and reading this far.


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